LOTR Tournament: My Friends VS The Characters
by totally-sara
Summary: My friends and I (rabid fangirls of doom) are taking on our fave characters in different arenas. Who will be the champion? three chapters up, fourth coming
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of LotR. I wish I did. If I did, I'd be filthy rich and I wouldn't have to amuse myself by writing silly fanfics. Oh well.

These are just what I think would happen if my friends met the guys from LotR. Very scary, if you ask me.

FIRST MATCH: ALYSSA VERSUS GANDALF

ARENA: OPEN FIELD

3….2…..1…..BEGIN!

There was a sudden flash of light, and Gandalf appeared in the field, having been beamed in by the author.

"What the hell…?" he muttered, brushing off his robe. There was another flash of light, and Alyssa appeared.

"Hello, Gandalf," she cackled somewhat evilly. Gandalf blinked nervously. He took an apprehensive step backwards.

"Who are you?" he asked. Alyssa eyed him with a grin.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough," she smirked. She cracked her knuckles. "It's glomping time." There was an excited "Ooooh" from the crowd. Gandalf raised an eyebrow.

"Beg your pardon? Glomp?" But Alyssa had already started dashing towards him, arms outstretched. "Holy s***!" Gandalf yelled, taking off in the other direction. He didn't stop to look back. After a while, when he figured he had probably outrun her, he stopped to take a breather. But all of a sudden, she popped up from behind a random bush.

"GANDALF!" she shrieked, leaping at him. 

"Aw, crap!" Gandalf whined, and fled. This went on for quite a while, with Alyssa unexplainably appearing behind random objects. Finally Gandalf collapsed onto the grass, panting heavily. Alyssa stood over him, hands on her hips, frowning. 

"Get up, you senile old fool," she snapped, poking him with her foot. He just groaned. "Don't make me sit on you." With news of this new threat, he jumped to his feet. He spread his arms.

"Fine. I don't care anymore. Glomp me all you want. I give up." He whimpered. "I just want to go home." Alyssa rolled her eyes.

"No way. You're no fun now. I forfeit. You win." She tossed her hair and stomped off, annoyed. Gandalf blinked in surprise.

"Win? Win what?" he asked, puzzled. One of the producers walked over to him.

"The match," the producer hissed, "she forfeit that match, so you go on to the next round."

"Round? What round? What are you dolts talking about?" he cried as studio execs dragged him out of the arena.

WINNER: GANDALF

NEXT MATCH: AMANDA VERSUS LEGOLAS


	2. The Second Match: Amanda VS Legolas

SECOND MATCH: AMANDA VERSUS LEGOLAS

ARENA: PLAINS OF ROHAN

3….2……1……BEGIN!

Legolas was beamed into the arena. He was filing his nails.

"Oh god, are we doing one of these stupid tournaments again? This is SO bad for my complexion," he complained, shoving his nail file into one of his boots. He sighed and put his hands on his hips. "Well? Who is it this time?" Just then Amanda appeared. She gave one of those annoying girly squeals of delight.

"OOOOOH!!!!! LEGOLAS!!!!!!!" she shrieked excitedly, her eyes glazing over. Legolas moaned.

"Erg…why do they always stick me with the over-hyper fangirls?" He eyed Amanda. "Well, let's get started then, I don't have all day." But Amanda was in a daze, drooling, to busy to notice he was talking. "Look, you annoying little person," Legolas snapped, "I don't want to waste my time while you just stand here drooling, beautiful though I am. So hurry up." 

"Will you marry me?" she said, giggling. He rolled his eyes.

"What are you talking about? Have you gone mad? Why would I marry a silly little human like you when I am totally in love with my gorgeous self?" 

"You have pretty eyes."

"Well of course I have pretty eyes. I am the prince of Mirkwood forest, you know. Honestly, you fangirls don't pay much attention, do you?"

"Pretty."

"Yes, yes, I've heard that before!" Legolas said impatiently. "Now are you going to do anything or not?"

"I love you," Amanda salivated, fluttering her eyelashes.   
"For crying out loud!" the elf complained. "This is a waste of time." Suddenly Amanda passed out, most likely from too much lust overcrowding her brain. The bell dinged.

"Somebody get a stretcher!" shouted one of the execs, and within moments Amanda was being carried away by paramedics, a serenely happy expression on her face.

"Thank god that's over," Legolas muttered.

WINNER: LEGOLAS

NEXT MATCH: ANGELA VERSUS GOLLUM


	3. The Third Match: Angela VS Gollum

THIRD MATCH: ANGELA VERSUS GOLLUM

ARENA: DEAD MARSHES

3….2…..1…..BEGIN!

"Precioussss?" hissed Gollum in fear as he was beamed in. Angela emerged shortly after. Gollum gave a yelp when he saw her long black fingernails. Angela gave a mischievous chortle and stepped towards him. "AAAH!" shrieked Gollum, scampering away. But he slipped on some marsh sludge and did a face plant into the ground.

"I'm coming for you…" she sneered, pouncing on him like a cat. Gollum howled and clawed at the ground in an attempt to get away.

"Noo!! It hurts us, precioussss! It claws our back like nasty orc swordses!" he wailed. He gazed at the producers, tears welling up in his huge saucer-like eyes. "Don't let it kill us, precioussss!" Two of the producers whispered in each other's ears. Then one walked over to Angela.

"Listen, kid, we're on a no-blood policy, and seeing as Gollum is now bleeding, I'm going to have to ask you to get off." He stood there until Angela slid off of her prey, and then he walked back to his crew. Gollum shuffled backwards.

"Leave us alone! Leave us alone, you nasty human!" But Angela just laughed.

"You were lucky this time, but next time, your luck will have run out," she hissed gleefully. Gollum gave her a very distraught look, then broke down into sobs.  
"We don't wants to die!!!" he wailed hysterically. "Make it leave us alone, preciousss!" It was quite an odd scene; Gollum gushing tears while Angela cackled evilly. Very frightening indeed. Finally the crew got annoyed with all the noise and stomped over.

"Ok, this is just ridiculous. We're ending this match right now. Angela, you win because you've turned Gollum into a big, nervous wretch of a thing, and it's pissing us off." Hearing this news, Angela began wildly running around the arena, doing her victory dance. The execs just shook their heads as they hauled Gollum away.

WINNER: ANGELA  
  
NEXT MATCH: SARA VERSUS THE HOBBITS 


End file.
